Dear Batman 2
by The Jolly Bounty
Summary: Wait how did this draft get up here too? Oh well if I take it down I'll get more emails threatening that I'll 'die laughing'


Okay who put my draft up? I demand to know who put my first draft up I mean come on guys… wait why am I writing this at the top of my second draft… oh well it's not like this is going to end up on the internet like the last one

Dear All incarnations of Batman

We really need to talk about your sidekicks

I of cause mean the robins that no matter what seem to be screwed up in each and every incarnation.

Now I'm not going to get started on the whole gay and paedophilic over tones as you by now must have noticed these and I feel that by writing a letter at all I am probably annoying you enough that you're going to find me and cause me great physical harm.

I just ask that you take this on board and send me to a nice hospital

Anyway let's start with the comic Batman as you in fact started it all

Now I do understand that a great detective like you needs a Watson and so Dick Grayson (aged 12) came along

Whose parents conveniently were acrobats who conveniently were murdered when you were conveniently at the circus.

And to add to all this convenience social services must have been high on Laughing gas because they let a millionaire play boy who runs a billion dollar company and obviously has no time on his hands to take in an emotionally scarred child…

Actually that would not surprise me in the least

But then you weren't planning on making him robin were you in the beginning?

And since I can't avoid mentioning it I'm going to let the Speedo's slide as hey I saw Dick's first Nightwing costume, we _know_ how bad his fashion sense is.

So now you had your Watson and you worked amazingly together hell you even survived shark repellent… So you fired him

But I'll let that slide to because maybe you just wanted to let him go so he could spread his wings and fl…. If I finish this sentence I'm going to have to go out back and shoot myself.

So then what Batman? I mean you lost your Watson how were we ever going to know what you were thinking! I mean it's not as if there was some sort of option where what you thought could appear on the page that's just insane!

So instead of that crazy plan we all became acquainted with the train wreck that is Jason Todd

Jason Todd was an acrobat… no street kid… why did I say acrobat?

So after he tried to still the wheels off the Batmobile and making me wonder why no one else has ever tried that you decided to take him in… such a logical choice there…

And after constantly hearing about the previous Robin, trying to live up to expectations and a writer that wanted to give him aids he got his brains beaten out and blown up by the joker.

He then returned as a crazed up psychopath who can't decide on a costume or the colour of his hair. So instead spends his time trying to kill your other sons.

You know what you deserve a father of the year award for that one.

So now we come to the subject of Tim Drake who broke the norm by proving that you didn't have to be an orphan to be Robin… the consequences for doing this was EVERYONE HE EVER CARED ABOUT DIED!

But he also proved that he was ether a genius or everyone in Gotham is an idiot for not figuring out Bruce Wayne is Batman

Why?

Because who other then you has the build, power, motive and the freaking money to be Batman?

But Timmy soon got thrown out, but I don't blame you for that as Grayson did it. However he really should of you know thought about it before he decided on doing that.

He replaced him with your son Damien who I'm not going to talk about as I'd like to not turn up in a body bag and I fear my last few points may have very nearly crossed that line.

So let's talk about Stephanie Brown, the girl who lasted all but five minutes before being brutally murdered and yet was pretty much remembered for being Tim Drake's girlfriend.

But hey two out of five and no one did drugs… though there were some _illegitimate___children involved.

Now let's talk about your movie persona

…. Maybe just keep Robin out of the reboot unless you decide he can have a personality outside of whiny dumbass.

Now about your cartoon appearances as I feel the Adam West show speaks for itself….

And so we have Dick Grayson again… and Constantly… See comic Dick Grayson rant above nothing has changed except they gave him pants on most occasions.

Hey even in young justice it's totally Dick he just acts, fights and looks like Tim but it's totally still Dick!

Speaking of Tim he's back! Or rather an unholy creation of combining Jason Todd and Tim Drake because apparently Jason's death was too violent… Hind sights a bitch right as instead Tim gets tortured till his mind breaks and becomes Joker Junior who then kills the Joker because that's more child friendly then a guy being off screen beaten up.

So in conclusion please Batman protect the youth of Gotham and don't take on another sidekick and please protect the unborn children of Gotham by getting a vasectomy

If not find a trustworthy child psychologist

Your Pal

Skytail


End file.
